Thursday, November 8, 2012

Confessions and Beauty in Parenting

Today my Cannon got hysterical… again. The line I have between patience and losing my mind is often crossed by this 3 1/2 foot tall 3 year old. His logic and rationale seems decades from maturity. Even before he got to the door I could hear him yelling, screaming and throwing a fit. I braced myself to mediate yet another disagreement and be the justice in the world of a 3 year old. I didn’t feel like it though. I just wanted to relax and take a break from whatever the drama was. But us moms know we hardly get a break.  So, there I was, unsympathetic and irritated before a single word was uttered. He starts trying to tell me what happened while simultaneously yelling, screaming and all and out bawling. Obviously I couldn’t make out anything he was saying. I had a mini vision of opening a window and casually tossing him out of it. Maybe a mom or two has had a similar vision?? Not that I’m proud of such a vision, but I’m being real here. Instead of acting on such ridiculous visions, I felt God urge me to pick him up and just hug him.

I felt his breathing start to regulate, his tense body became relaxed he nuzzled his head into my neck and didn’t say a word; neither of us did. In a sense we were both calming each others’ spirits down. He melted into my arms. I also felt my own tense body become relaxed and my disposition completely changed. It’s like I suddenly remembered, “Oh yeah, I love this kid to pieces!” How easy I forget. The embrace lasted just a few minutes, but it’s just what we both needed at that very moment. He ran off seemingly renewed and ready to face the backyard obstacles yet again. But I just stood there and watched him run off.  I thought, “Man, is this not exactly how God treats me?” It was one of those epiphanies that left me in awe of the way God teaches me, especially and particularly through parenting.

How often do my troubles seem like miniscule non-issues to God in the grand scheme of things? How does he not get so frustrated that I fret over things he has in the palm of his hands? How does he not tire over my insecurities when He tells me over and over how fearfully and wonderfully I’m made? Does He envision throwing me out the window? I wouldn’t blame Him if He did! His thoughts toward me are precious. It’s times like this that it is so clear how much I need a savior. The way my attitude was so clearly unloving and selfish makes me realize how good God really is. Not only does he not throw the first stone, he throws all the stones away. He picks me up, doesn’t think twice and holds me in His arms. He just loves, pouring himself into me, with absolutely no agenda. He waits for me, reminds me how much he treasures me and gives me beauty for ashes.  For as long as I need Him to, he is there. I release my cares on Him and he takes them away. He completely reenergizes me to run off and face the world again, enabling me to love and have patience when mine has run out 6 temper tantrums ago. I love how he doesn’t cease to teach me through unexpected everyday non-events. The more I parent, the more I realize how similar I am to my kids in my relationship with God. He is teaching me more than I could ever teach my kids through parenting.  His uncompromising and unending love is still a wonder and truly a miracle.

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