For that moment I don’t see the mess or care one iota about it. He just lets me love him and this time snuggles his neck into mine as we sway back and forth, back and forth. Oh how my cup overflows! In that instant I am the richest person in the world, and of all women, the most blessed. My eyes are so tightly closed so as to squeeze all the love in my heart into precious memories that I can keep forever. I need to savor and enjoy this; I need to remember this exact minute. All I can muster out is ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’- just whispering to the One who gave me this child, this reward, this moment.
I hope He sees my heart, how it overflows with gratitude, how although my words are few- they are full of awe, praise and wonderment. How could it be that I was chosen for him and he for me? It feels good to get lost in this love… the love that I didn’t even know I’d have.
He was not in our plans. He ‘wasn’t supposed to be’. On all accounts, he came at the exact wrong time in a situation that was overwhelmingly in disarray. How the news of his coming tempted hearts into fear, anxiety, worry and every untrue thought to think. To see him now, just the opposite of all the lies we told ourselves. In true lavish God-fashion, he is not only a good baby, he’s over-the-top adorable, peaceful, loving, delightful, joyful and simply exactly what we needed that we didn’t know we did.
There is not one crevice of my soul that doesn’t regret any second I spent not completely elated over having this baby. When all anyone could see was the burden, the price, the inconvenience, God saw the gift, the treasure, the lessons that would refine us and build us up to be the parents He created us to be.
When will we ever learn that “A man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps?” When will we believe this? I have the proof of it and his name is Reeve Michael, one of the best unexpected miracles I could have ever hoped to receive. Look at what we would have missed! When I hear that squeal of delight or catch him dancing to the music only he can hear, may I stop and remember that “His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways higher than our ways.”