Confessions and Beauty in Parenting

Today my Cannon got hysterical… again. The line I have between patience and losing my mind is often crossed by this 3 1/2 foot tall 3 year old. His logic and rationale seems decades from maturity. Even before he got to the door I could hear him yelling, screaming and throwing a fit. I braced myself to mediate yet another disagreement and be the justice in the world of a 3 year old. I didn’t feel like it though. I just wanted to relax and take a break from whatever the drama was. But us moms know we hardly get a break.  So, there I was, unsympathetic and irritated before a single word was uttered. He starts trying to tell me what happened while simultaneously yelling, screaming and all and out bawling. Obviously I couldn’t make out anything he was saying. I had a mini vision of opening a window and casually tossing him out of it. Maybe a mom or two has had a similar vision?? Not that I’m proud of such a vision, but I’m being real here. Instead of acting on such ridiculous visions, I felt God urge me to pick him up and just hug him.

I felt his breathing start to regulate, his tense body became relaxed he nuzzled his head into my neck and didn’t say a word; neither of us did. In a sense we were both calming each others’ spirits down. He melted into my arms. I also felt my own tense body become relaxed and my disposition completely changed. It’s like I suddenly remembered, “Oh yeah, I love this kid to pieces!” How easy I forget. The embrace lasted just a few minutes, but it’s just what we both needed at that very moment. He ran off seemingly renewed and ready to face the backyard obstacles yet again. But I just stood there and watched him run off.  I thought, “Man, is this not exactly how God treats me?” It was one of those epiphanies that left me in awe of the way God teaches me, especially and particularly through parenting.

How often do my troubles seem like miniscule non-issues to God in the grand scheme of things? How does he not get so frustrated that I fret over things he has in the palm of his hands? How does he not tire over my insecurities when He tells me over and over how fearfully and wonderfully I’m made? Does He envision throwing me out the window? I wouldn’t blame Him if He did! His thoughts toward me are precious. It’s times like this that it is so clear how much I need a savior. The way my attitude was so clearly unloving and selfish makes me realize how good God really is. Not only does he not throw the first stone, he throws all the stones away. He picks me up, doesn’t think twice and holds me in His arms. He just loves, pouring himself into me, with absolutely no agenda. He waits for me, reminds me how much he treasures me and gives me beauty for ashes.  For as long as I need Him to, he is there. I release my cares on Him and he takes them away. He completely reenergizes me to run off and face the world again, enabling me to love and have patience when mine has run out 6 temper tantrums ago. I love how he doesn’t cease to teach me through unexpected everyday non-events. The more I parent, the more I realize how similar I am to my kids in my relationship with God. He is teaching me more than I could ever teach my kids through parenting.  His uncompromising and unending love is still a wonder and truly a miracle.

Cannon

Cannon

I love this kid.

He is demanding.

He is illogical.

He talks like a man, and has looked like a man, from birth.

He has a smile that melts the heart.

He is a natural flirt.

He is the middle child, say more?

He still has a scream that will literally make the ears ring for hours.

He loses his mind for reasons unknown.

He is the dog’s torturer.

He is Silas’ best friend.

He can’t stop talking about Monster Truck Rally.

He is the definition of a mama’s boy.

He wants to be like his daddy.

His excitability is adorable.

He is stubborn, stubborn, stubborn.

He will be a leader, I know it.

He is difficult.

He doesn’t wear pants.

He is particular and likes his socks on just right.

He can snuggle indefinitely.

He calls every meal ‘lunch’.

He has caused me to say, “This kid will be the end of me” on more than one occasion.

He is polite.

He is sweet.

He loves to help, on his terms.

He likes to bring frogs and worms into the house.

He is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

He is Cannon.

He is an original.

I love this kid.

Happy Birthday to my boy… you’ve single-handedly taught me what patience really looks like. I am so thankful God gave you to me to be your mommy. You are my pride and joy and you always will be.

Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas

Testimony of Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas. Awesome book and amazing class

I decided to take Sacred Parenting class for several reasons. One is because I LOVE Lynn Wray and the other was because it was a parenting class with a different take on what parenting is all about. I have three boys, 4, almost 3 and a 5 month old- all boys. I often get caught up in the how-to’s and the what-if’s and the guilt and uncertainty of not doing it right. I think just like any mom, I fear the worst and wonder if I am doing anything right. Lynn and Sheryl were so candid and genuine sharing about their own families and how God showed up and intervened in every stage of their parenting. They so lovingly and tenderly reminded us that it really isn’t about us at all. It’s not even about our precious children. It’s about God working in and through us and in and through our children to draw us closer in relationship to Him.

Motherhood is more special than we give it sometimes I think. It’s not just something every woman does. Motherhood is the perfect way for God to teach us who He is. We moms sacrifice it all. Our lives consist of laying down our own desires to pursue another’s. Is this not what Christ did for us? He not only made the ultimate sacrifice, but His whole life was sacrificed for His children- us. What a connection to see our role as moms to Christ’s role on earth. It brings such gut wrenching feelings of gratitude to me instead of resentment about what I may not be getting. It brings love and understanding (even for the difficult child) not because we need to work on being patient but because Christ is that way with us. He chose for us to develop long-suffering and to walk the hard road to build in us the very character of God. How amazing! It was so refreshing to hear that real moms struggle with motherhood and that it’s a good thing because it builds in us the character we want to pass along to our children to posses when they have their own children.

One particular chapter really made a huge impact on me. It was entitled “A Very Boring Chapter in the Bible (That Can Change Your Life Forever). It talks about Genesis 3 where it goes on and on about so-and-so lived x amount of years, had a son with this name, so-and-so had other sons and daughters and then died. I always thought that was included in the bible to show the lineage of Christ (which is a part of it) but like so much of God’s word, it’s more than that. It’s to show that we all live, have children and then die. There are no exceptions to the rules. We like to think that we’ll have all these things that all our descendants will remember us by. The harsh reality is that we will only be remembered by our children and maybe their children. Shortly after that, our legacy is so simple- we gave birth to make a way for them to be born down the line. As I sat there in class I can’t even begin to tell you how humbled I was. What a sobering thought; that we aren't as important as we think we are or will be. Even presidents and extremely famous people will too be forgotten. Gary Thomas (the author) goes on to say that although we won’t have historical importance, we can have relational significance through our children. Learning to think generationally instead of individually is so counter-cultural but this is the heart of God. Through this truth we can then focus on what’s really important, on what’s really going to last- a lasting legacy through the generations after us. This is what sacred parenting is all about and I was so impacted through this class and material to really embrace the sacred trust of children that God blessed me with (yes- even that difficult one!) and to remember that although the days are long the years are short and I will soon miss this terribly.