Let them mix the play doh colors

     Let them mix the play doh colors. Sometimes we moms can be so uptight and want things just right even at the expense of a stressed out life. Simplify your life. Cut out a sport, an activity, a lesson, a bible study. De-stress and let them be kids. Choose your battles wisely. They will run and get scrapes on their knees; they will make obnoxious noises and faces; they will use 50 pieces of paper and think each line on each page is a masterpiece worthy of the fridge; they will have irrational fears; they will sneak a bit of dessert from the fridge before dinner and without asking; they will laugh and laugh and laugh over pee-pee poo-poo-head type talk; they will forget where they put their socks, their shoes and their sippy cups; they will break things; they will ruin something important; they will want to watch too much TV. Don’t be so predictable. Say it’s okay sometimes; expect the delays, the inconveniences. Join in when they make distorted faces. Run in the rain with them and just sometimes, throw caution to the wind.

      Don’t sweat the small stuff and teach them not to either. I’ve been telling them on different occasions, “Is this really a big deal? Don’t sweat the small stuff.” I tell them “In a few minutes you won’t even remember or care who had it first.” My very uncharacteristically logical 4 year old just recently seems to be getting it. He will think about it and say, “No, it really doesn’t matter” and move on. These little tid bits of break through are making my heart skip a beat. Finally, something is clicking!

     Not everything they do is great. When it is, give a sincere and specific praise. I’m a firm believer that kids can pick up on phony praise. When it’s not their best effort, kindly encourage them to go back to the drawing board. Give them the gift of being able to differentiate between hard work and mediocrity. They learn so much in their failings, don’t deprive them of these important lessons. No one succeeds in everything they set out to do without failing at something somewhere along the way. They will fail. The choice is whether it’s in your home, under your care or out in the real world. At home, you can guide them on how to cope and watch them develop important characteristics, such as patience, hard work, perseverance and a humble perspective. You'll be there to encourage them to pick themselves up to try again. The other option is they will think their failures are really successes (everyone gets a trophy mentality) and when they leave the safety net of the home they will be confronted with a harsh world. There, they will not have developed any coping strategies and fall to pieces at the first onset of failure. Do you want them wondering, “Why doesn’t everyone think I’m the best?” I’d go with the first scenario.

     Attitude and perspective is truly everything. Tone and demeanor speak volumes. Teach them early that lip service will get them nowhere. The way they say their words speaks volumes over their actual words. This attitude also shows the condition of their hearts and helps them see their need for a savior. Anyone can be legalistic. It takes courage to own a mistake and takes steps to fix it.

     Teach them gratitude by having gratitude. One of the best things to teach your kids is they are not entitled to all the sacrifices us parents make for them every minute of every day. ‘Thank yous’ are not optional. If anyone gives them anything, they say thank you… whether it’s a meal or to the teacher after a day of school. I am already starting to see glimmers of gratitude in my little toddlers without prompting- best feeling ever. Of course, like most things, this is more caught than taught. In the beginning though, it’s not giving up on the constant reminders that leads to them having unprompted gratitude when they are older.

     Help them understand that their brother or sister is to be respected. All the parenting books make big points in explaining how to get the kids to listen and obey the parent, but not nearly enough talk about the importance of showing respect and speaking kindly to their sibling. In our house, it is unacceptable to ignore, to have a dismissive attitude or to not speak respectfully to the other sibling. Thank you’s and your welcomes are expected to be exchanged by one another throughout the day. Teach them to resolve their own conflicts. The constant tattling ceases when they are required to respectfully voice their concern to the other sibling before coming to me. I am amazed at how many conflicts they are solving all by themselves! They aren’t perfect at it, but I can’t believe the difference it has made. They are learning respect for their sibling as well as communication skills. Sharing is another area that they are expected to show respect. If they wish to play with a toy that the other has, it is unacceptable to snatch. They know that in 5 minutes they get a turn. They sometimes come to me to start the timer but they are getting better at figuring out what 5 minutes looks like and having less fights about it. The fruits of my labor are starting to ripen!

     Take time out and do nothing or something with them. Watch a movie, read a book, play a game, dance to a song, fold the clothes, organize the toys, color, create a project. I can get caught up in my own thing, trying to get things done around the house, that sometimes I forget how important this is! Reading every night is great. Really, it’s great. I was a teacher, I know about these things… BUT, don’t stress if it can’t get done occasionally. I wouldn’t even feel guilty about it. Give yourself grace, and often. If you’re anything like me.. I need it every day and typically moment to moment.

     Expect to be constantly correcting, teaching, encouraging, loving, and admonishing. This is your job. Sometimes it will seem overwhelming… take a break and get at it again.

     Play music all the time… and not just little kid cartoon music. Play country, play pop and rock ‘n roll, classical and all different genres. Get them cultured and let them develop their own preference.

     Dance along with the music. Act stupid and crazy and make them (and yourself) laugh just because it’s a Tuesday.

     Brag on your kids in front of others. I can tell this makes their spirit soar.

     Don’t be afraid to talk to them about God and not only the Bible stories, but what He means to you today. Think outside the box and show them that God cannot be contained. Don't get caught up in all the rules we set up for ourselves. Instead of all the 'should' and 'shouldn'ts', reveal the heart of God every chance you get. There are so many opportunities we let slip by. Let someones compliment toward you be a lesson on humility. Let your sinful attitude be a lesson on forgiveness and grace. Let the changing seasons and the constant sun be a lesson that although things change God is always there, unchanged, pouring his light and goodness no matter the weather. Life in inundated with the characteristics and heart of God. Don't miss it!

Reflecting back on my 30 years

I’m actually nursing right this minute. When you’re on the third kid, the skills of nursing while doing other things just become second nature. I had my sweet baby boy this past October. That makes a total of three boys, ages three and under. This life I live is absolutely nothing like the life I used to live. It is so incredibly different that I hardly even remember my life before them. I know people used to tell me that they couldn’t remember their life before kids either but now that I’m living it, I understand. I can see how moms might forget who they are after having babies. Sometimes I forget who I am too. It is just so natural, and maybe too easy, to put everyone and their needs before our own. I really don’t think about it and it’s not an obvious thing that happens. It’s not like one day I wake up and say, “Today, I will put myself last and not think about myself in any facet at all.” I’m thinking it happens slowly and gradually until one day I do wake up and think, “What about me?” Then- “How can I be so selfish to think about me?” Then think, “Me? Who am I anymore?” If I was a betting gal, I bet this has crossed the mind of many a mom.

I remember getting dressed up and spending way too much time on my hair and accessories. I remember seeing my imperfections through a magnifying glass and totally blowing it out of proportion. Can you believe I still have those tendencies? These days I just don’t have the time to worry about things like this, but if there was time, I bet I’d fall back to a degree of those critical thoughts toward myself. In a way, I’m thankful for the distractions. I’m definitely less superficial and I see how much of a waste of time it all really was.

Right now I am around 25 lbs over what I’ve weighed for most of my life. This is now my third time dealing with being very overweight after a pregnancy. Those suppressed insecurities come seeping out of the woodworks when that happens. I’m actually kinder to myself than I would have been years ago. How many times have I said, “OMG, you’re so fat” “How can anyone look at you like this, so gross.” “Don’t even leave the house without that mask of makeup on because you’re just hideous.” “How can you even walk with those nasty legs, you need some kind of surgery to fix that major problem.” Thoughts like these try and raise its ugly head every now and again but thank God I’ve learned to not entertain thoughts like these. I now know those come straight from hell to make me feel hurt and empty. Back then I was actually full of youthfulness and vibrancy. There was nothing to be embarrassed about, but I can remember feeling it eat away at me, almost all the time. This battle in my head about what to believe about myself was always raging. Not a soul on earth would have ever known about it. I remember after someone would compliment me I would never really believe them. I would say thank you but just thought they were so nice to say something so not true to make me feel something I wasn’t. It’s pretty comical looking back on it all. I don’t think I met a girl in high school that was not starting a new diet, on a diet, struggling with a diet or figuring out what diet to go on. The constant emphasis on image and desirability was so exhausting. Who could keep up? I even remember wishing I was someone else and thinking I had nothing to offer. For such down trodden thoughts you would have never known. I think I appeared fairly grounded, but yet the battles of the mind remained. My faithful mom would try and persuade me to believe how beautiful I was, but I just couldn’t believe it… not compared to this person or that person. The comparisons were so burdening!

When I went away to college I met the best of friends- as Anne of Green Gables would say, “Bosom friends.” I slowly felt loved for who I was. Gradually I began to see God in it all. I saw the beauty and uniqueness in others and maybe for the first time just appreciated it in them without desiring it for myself. Sounds so simple, but what a long time it took to do! I started to see the gifts that God had given to others as gifts for them and then I started to actually see the gifts within myself. This is an ongoing journey, as these gifts manifest itself in different ways based on the season of life I’m in. So I would say during my college years my eyes began to see something that I was very blind to before- real beauty.

During my first years working as a teacher I had an epiphany that I’ll never forget. I was sitting with some of the other teachers in the teachers’ cafeteria and another teacher was talking about how she needed to lose weight and get fit. She went on and on about it. What she was saying was nothing really out of the ordinary. But just then and there my eyes were opened and I almost said out loud, “Oh my God, it never ends!” It was like I just realized the same insecurities, dissatisfaction and self improvements just never end. Here this teacher was in her 60’s and she was still struggling with the same issues I was when I was a young teen. I remember feeling so sad. Not necessarily sad for her or me, but for all the woman out there. The culture we live in is so pervasive, it’s so strong and it infiltrates everything. We literally cannot get away from the messages they are sending. Messages that this is what beauty is, this is what’s desirable, this is what men want, these are the things you have to say and do… Who could measure up? Women are unknowingly in bondage to this made up standard that no one person can attain.

This is why knowing God is so important. He tells me who I am. I don’t have to guess or wonder. He calls me His beloved, His child. He rejoices over me with singing and has set me apart for Himself. He picked me up from the grime and placed me in the heavenly places. His spirit intercedes for me and He sends His angels to guard over me. He sticks closer than a brother and gives us the ultimate gift of Himself for eternity.

As I hold my precious little baby in my arms, the love I have for him just cannot even be measured. It is insurmountable. I would die right now to save him from harm without even a bit of hesitation. To even imagine that anyone could love more than this is really unfathomable; yet the way God loves is so much deeper than this. It’s beyond the human capacity to understand. It’s something to always be in awe about.

I feel like I knew that God loved me my whole life, yet I still struggled with such deep rooted insecurities. I knew this truth in my head but not in my heart. In my core I don’t think I really grasped this agape love or understood the magnitude and depth of it. It is so great!

Now that I’ll be 30 years old in exactly 9 days and as I sit in my favorite sofa and reflect on my life, I can actually say that I am finally content. Yes, I’m at least 25 lbs overweight, I still see all my “imperfections”, I have the smallest wardrobe of my life, my shoe collection consists of sneakers and flip flops, and my stretch marks are forever ingrained in my belly. Being the prettiest person in the room is no longer my aspiration. I just sit back and am amazed at how far God has brought me. Every hurdle I’ve gone through, every person I’ve met, every friend I’ve had, every disagreement I’ve experienced has led me to this point. I can honestly say that when I close my eyes at the end of each day I know who I am. It has nothing to do with my husband, my kids, my family or friends. It has nothing to do with my fashionista ways (or non-ways), my creative projects or my skill level in writing. It has everything to do with knowing and believing what the Bible says about me. I believe even as grown women, we need to constantly be reminded of it in order to keep the freedom of living a contented life- 25 lbs heavier or not.

What is Love?

When I least expected it, when I least deserved it, He did it again. My Maker, my Savior, my God out of nowhere took me back for Himself. I now know- that I know- that I know that He is a jealous God.

I was just driving down the road not thinking about anything in particular when I felt my heart being directed toward gratitude. I started feeling like I couldn’t process it all, that it was somehow too much for me to grasp, to understand. It came as a flood and I felt completely inundated with this gratitude. I will admit that sometimes I really get emotional about all the blessings that God has poured out on my life… but today was different.

It had nothing to do with life’s circumstances, my beautiful boys or my amazing friends and family.

*It wasn’t about me*

It was as though God just decided, “I’ll meet you where you are and surprise and delight you with Myself.” For a moment that felt like forever, I just basked. The way the sun’s rays warm the skin on a summer’s day and put a shimmering glow to the face- so it was with my soul.

I knew only peace, only hope, and so free- the freedom!

This truth touched my spirit and all I knew was love.

I’ve sang a million times in a million songs about God’s love for me. But when it goes from knowing to tasting; from reading to experiencing- that’s God.

He IS love.

I was overwhelmed and overcome with the love of God. Who am I that He should give me this gift? All I saw and all I knew was perfect peace and contentment. Although I’ve read scripture before, today I believed the truth that He is sufficient. He is enough. In fact, He is more than enough. These gifts, these blessings- the happiness in our days, the challenges we overcome, the courtesy of a stranger, the sacrifice of a friend- these are things we are right to be grateful for. Not because God somehow loves us more because we have these things but because all these things point us to Him.

It is He who is our prize! He is our treasure.

It finally makes sense that perfect love casts out all fear because there is no fear with God.

Everyday, in all things good, He is there- shouting to us through all things beautiful that He loves us. We so often just miss it- we miss Him.
After reflecting on the riches of His goodness, I found myself sobbing- tears just rolling down my cheeks. I was just touched by my Creator. The lover of my soul, my friend.

Just as fast as it came upon me, it left. This perfect place I was at was met with the harsh reality of life. It left me in want- in desperate need for more. I knew I needed to read His Word. Not to check off one more thing from my to-do list, but to really meet Him and experience Him once again. I needed Him. I lost my way and forgot what I was missing out on! What a reminder that it’s not about me after all. How kind of Him to give me a sneak peak into a world of unspeakable grace and love. Oh- the Love!