Now that this is my last year in my “20’s,” I was pondering about how I’ve evolved over the last few decades and how differently I see things.
I used to think I was only pretty when my hair was straight and I had my make-up on just right with not a blemish on my face. I had to be wearing the latest fashion with just the right amount of accessories. Not too over done and not too simple. It was a fine line that I debated over on a regular basis. I needed confirmation from others almost all the time. I would feel on top of the world if someone told me how beautiful I was or how fashion forward I was. I used to think that was the greatest compliment.
Now I know I’m beautiful. Even right when I wake up and my curls are sticking out in every direction. When my pregnancy glow is really just oily skin on top of zits. Even when my latest fashion is an old pair of gray sweatpants that have more holes than I care to count. I’m beautiful when I go the whole day without one stitch of makeup and to my surprise no one can tell the difference. To not have happiness correlate to the scale is quite the accomplishment. If someone mentions how pretty I am I don’t talk about my cellulite or my stretch marks. It just doesn’t effect me the same way. The best compliments are now, “I love the way you think,” “I admire the way you love your kids,” and “You are so accepting.” Long gone are the days of superficiality. If I even vaguely smell ingenuousness I run full speed ahead in the opposite direction. I remember the days when I used to engage in it and think I was more popular because I knew “x” amount of people. Now I have a few good friends and I’m happy as a clam.
I used to think money was always readily available and not that hard to come by. Now I know what it feels like to live paycheck to paycheck and get that horrible feeling in my stomach in the check out line figuring out if what I have in my cart will cost more than what’s in my bank account.
I used to be so judgmental over stupid things, like people who would buy their shoes at Payless and buy generic brand cereal and hair products. Now I’m the one walking around with a broken shoe strap and running down people to get to Payless and still look for the clearance rack while I’m there.
I used to think that going to church every Sunday impressed God, now I know it only impresses other Christians.
I used to have a lot of fear over dying and the afterlife. Now I have peace because I know Jesus took care of it all and He is not the author of fear.
I used to be shy because I was afraid of being rejected. Now I’m quiet because I like to listen more and hear people’s stories.
I used to write to get a response. Now I write for myself and also to encourage others regardless if they respond or not.
I used to not accept compliments and make an excuse for any good thing people saw in me. Now I accept it because I already know whatever good anyone sees in me is just God.
I used to think having kids was not that difficult. Now I know how hard it is.
I used to not let people in my lane in traffic. Now I let anyone in, whether they deserve it or not.
I used to take everything so personally. Now I let a lot slide off my back knowing that it rarely has something to do with me.
I used to want to change my husband. Now I try to understand him.
I used to think I knew what love was. Now I know for sure.
I used to think 30 was old. Now I know I’m only as old as I feel. :)
