Maybe not specifically and maybe not directly, but I did. Every time I prayed God's will over my life, every time I prayed for my family and for our future, God had His perfect plan in place. Our children were always part of that plan in His eyes.
You see, I believe in God's sovereignty. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that before the world began, God knew my children by name. He gave them their personalities and gifts to share with the world. He knew Silas would have the sweetest spirit. That he would be incredibly curious, forgiving, and cautious. He knew he'd love to high-5, could never have enough fruit and that music and dance would ooze out of his soul. He knew how smart, funny and expressive he would be, and how much he would love doing crafts. When God dreamt up Cannon, he knew how affectionate, passionate and adventure seeking he would be. He knew he'd be demanding and assertive and as strong as an ox. He knew all his doctor visits and procedures would set him up to be stronger and braver than he ever could be otherwise. He knew how animated and excited he would be with life and nature and all things 'boy'. He knew how uncompromising he would be and how that would direct him to one day be an incredible leader. God not only knew, but he molded and crafted every last detail of their person-hood. He ordained and thought it perfect for me to be their mom. For me to teach, discipline and love them and for them to teach, love and reveal my heart- the good, the bad and the ugly.
God knew that there was absolutely no way for me to know the level of love I was capable of or the amount of patience required without being a mom. There was just no way to keep my sanity in the chaos- learned only after losing it (on more than one occasion). I've learned day after day how fast time flies and how very crucial it is to not sweat the small stuff. So... Silas wrote all over the walls and furniture with permanent marker. So... Cannon flushed my favorite necklace down the toilet- that doesn't change the fact that they are my treasures. I would give up my life in a heartbeat for theirs- and I do everyday. Just like countless other moms who sacrifice and lay down their lives daily for their kids. The hope and the perspective is to see it not as an unbearable never-ending burden, but as a gift and a privilege to love them like no one else can or will. That unconditional love is what we are given so that we are able to love that way for our children, even the children we've yet to have.
I am so excited to see first hand the gifts and talents of this little one growing within. I can't wait to see how they will use what God gave them. I am blessed, honored and overwhelmed that God would see fit to bring another child into the world through me. His perfect will resounds in my imperfect family and seemingly imperfect timing, but who are we to argue with the King? So, as Mary said to the angel after finding out she would be pregnant at the most inopportune time, "I am the Lord's servant, let it be to me as you have said."
