I Like You

I have three boys who are very young. I have not mastered home organization or using my time wisely. I seem to pick the wrong times to clean and get frustrated when the tornado trio come and destroy my attempts at putting things in their place. I try to keep them tame but they are so wild. So wild that I fall apart sometimes just thinking about putting the little house pieces back together again, after again and then again after that. I don’t have the stamina or the real desire to win that battle every moment of everyday. Between the clothes, the food, the random bits of paper and the ‘what is this thing?!’ I could spend all day everyday bent over picking up ‘debris'.

This particular day my four year old, Cannon, went into my drawers and pulled out my craft supplies. He peeled the backing off my magnet roll and jumbled up all my stuff. I have a thing with anyone touching the few things that I actually have organized and messing it up. I admit I went a little over-the-top crazy-eyed monster teeth at him. He got thrown in time out after a ridiculous mommy-hissy fit. While he’s bawling in the tiny chair all I could think was, “I need to get myself together here. I’m ruining my children’s lives.” Melodramatic much? After several minutes, when the tempers and emotions calmed down, I called him over to me. I crouched down and we said our ‘I’m sorrys’ and ‘I forgive yous’ and off he ran. The weight got lifted off our shoulders and we were back to being mama and boy. Not three minutes went by when he stops a few feet away from me and announces, “I like you.” I wanted to make sure I was hearing him right, so I said, “What did you say?” He said it again even louder, “I like you!” I couldn’t help the enormous smile that came over me as I said, “I like you too!” We just gazed lovingly into each others eyes, then he ran off to play again.

I stood there wondering, ‘Why does he like me?” I literally just exploded with anger and frustration at him. As I sat there thinking about it I realized he likes me not because I blew up at him but because I asked him for forgiveness. I admitted I was wrong then made it right again. He likes me because maybe he realizes I’m human, I don’t pretend to have it all together. Maybe he likes me because he knows he can’t do anything that is so bad that I won’t keep on immensely loving him, unconditionally. Maybe after all these four years he’s coming to grips that I’m not perfect, but I’m genuine. I’m not organized, but I try. I’m not rich, but I’m giving them all I have. Maybe he said that because he sensed I needed to hear that today. It made me feel like perhaps I’m not ruining their lives after all. Maybe I’m teaching them what it looks like to struggle well, to fall apart then get back up again. Maybe he was trying to tell me in so many words, “Everyone loves their mom but not everyone likes them.” He was choosing to like me, not out of obligation, but of choice. Or maybe he just wanted to tell me that he likes me because he simply does. J

To My Can Man on your 4th birthday

Sometimes I sit back watching you play with your brothers and think to myself, “This kid is the most unique individual I think I’ll ever meet.”

  

It’s true… You are the greatest mix of personality the world will encounter. Your daddy and I laugh all the time at how you simply cannot just go with the flow. There’s no convincing you to leave your shirt on if you get a drop of water on it or to settle down from a major temper tantrum right before preschool every week, for any given reason.

One of my favorite things about you is the fact that you cannot keep a reward to yourself. You have it in your heart to always share with Silas whether it’s a special treat daddy gives you or a treasure prize at preschool. There are so many times you’ve asked your teacher to save an extra goody for your brother. Whenever good news is heard, you always run to tell Silas first. I love your heart!

 You are so particular about the little things in life. For example: no long pants to bed because you don’t like the feeling of them riding up when you get in bed… your socks have to be put on exactly right so that you (God forbid) don’t step on the ‘dot’ (where the stitching comes together near the front of the sock.) You find only one out of your seven sweatshirts acceptable to wear and you will only put on ‘soccer socks’ cheerfully, everything else is a battle. You cannot handle being up in front of people for any kind of group presentation… you will cry the whole time while everyone else is singing. Once you lose it, there is no retrieving any kind of sanity until you spend good quality time with your blanket (and by blanket I mean your bundle of yarn that's been loved on really, REALLY hard) in your room, by yourself.

I went to pick you up early from the children’s church today and I peeked through the little door window and our eyes met. Everyone was bouncing a beach ball up in the air, laughing and yelling... and there you were standing perfectly still just smiling your adorable sweet smile, with your head cocked to one side just gazing at me with all the love in your heart. Everyone was running circles around you and you just didn’t care. You just stayed staring and smiling for a minute or two. I’m going to hold onto that moment forever. This moment really does epitomize who you are. You don’t go with the flow, you hold your own and you don’t care who’s watching…you love your mama! Then...

and now...

 Maybe because you were so colicky and I was the only one that held you for the first few months of your life, but your love for me and my love for you is something fierce. A bond that cannot be broken.

Even at children’s church when everyone was in the middle of dancing and having a blast, you turn to me and say, “MOM! When are we getting outta here?!” LOL. You crack me up. Even when there is a fun day planned with grandma and it’s time to say goodbye to me, you always want to just stay with me. Even when bribed with all the ice cream, parks and bounce houses out there, you always want me to be there with you. Truth be told, I eat this up! Every mama needs a sweet-as-pie baby boy like you.

There are so many things I love about you, it’s impossible to pin point them all. You are my deep voiced, bug smashing, best bear-huggin', secret animal lovin’, Reeve-guardin', home lovin', Mama snugglin’, non-button down shirt wearin', use-your-fry-as-a-ketchup-spoon kind of kid. 

I know your strong-willed yet tender heart will bring you places even I can’t imagine. Your special combination of tough and kind are just what this world needs. Even though there are times I don’t know how to handle your outbursts and irrational thinking, we're growing together. God has taught me more through you than any living soul on this planet. You remind me how much I need a Savior. I thank God for you Cannon because you were designed especially for me to mother and your daddy to father. You are exactly what this world needs to be a better place. At the end of the day when you’re in bed sleeping I think about the little boy you are, your quirks, your sweet and loving ways and your determination and I am certain I wouldn’t want to change a thing about you. I’m a better Mama because of you. Here’s a hug and a kiss and a punch and a five from me to you baby. Happy 4^th birthday to my bronze-skinned, blonde haired, absolutely beautiful, handsome-as-all-get-out baby boy! I love you!!!

Love,

Mama  

The Simple Life

I stumbled upon this stunning blog the other day. Really, it took my breath away. My eyes welled up with tears while listening to the background music dance with the poetic way this mom expressed her beautiful thoughts. The way she portrayed her ‘simple life’ just struck a chord with me. Obviously she lived on a farm because everyone who lives the simple life lives on a farm, right? Her magazine worthy pictures on the site just oozed with family love and camaraderie. There is one shot of one out of her six children giving the baby calf a bottle of milk. It just melted my heart. I sighed to myself and thought, “Ah… the simple life.” When I clicked out of the site, the music stopped and I was met with the whaling of little ones tugging on my pant leg asking for milk, a snack and another piece of my sanity.

After feeling a bit discontented with my own non-farming life, I asked myself, “What does it even mean to live ‘the simple life?’” Do I have to live on a farm to claim this highly desirable yet seemingly unattainable status? Do I have to home school, have five, six or seven children or make my own bread from scratch? Is there room for my not-so-large yet messier-than-most family to live such a life?

Truth is, the simple life can also mean something different than a lovely family with six home-schooled children living on a farm. Lest we be dismayed, discouraged and feeling inadequate, I believe the simple life can indeed be attainable to anyone anywhere- whether living on a farm or right in the middle of a bustling metropolitan. I’ve come to realize that the simple life has little to do with possessions, circumstances, or number of children and everything to do with our inner thoughts, perspective and our individual and unique lens we filter life through, everyday.

The simple life is a way of thinking. It’s letting those thoughts change your life so you can say ‘yes’ to the important and ‘no’ to the distractions. It’s figuring out what to value and what to just let go. It’s about contentment, avoiding comparisons like the plague, and being unexpectedly gracious and kind. It’s being genuine, down-to-earth and letting your guard down. It’s identifying with people and moving closer to relationships and further away from superficiality. It’s finding humor in the things you could fall apart over. It’s being true to yourself when there’s an opportunity to stand up for what’s right, even if it’s unpopular. It’s having it fresh in our mind that today is a gift, a special opportunity to pour into another’s life whether that someone is our own child or a total stranger. It’s looking our hardships square in the face and shouting, “I’m blessed, I’m blessed, I’m blessed!” It’s seeing the big picture when life so often is only pointing at a tiny piece of it. It’s bringing others up when it seems everyone is hurting, fighting an impossible battle. It’s forgiving when mercy isn’t warranted and remembering life is but a breath. Make it count…. bring something beautiful to it that only you can give.

To me, this is the ultimate simple life; keeping first things first, and not sweating the small stuff. It’s constantly remembering we are not the center of the universe and letting that reality drive us to be part of the larger community where we have something to give rather than only looking to see what we can receive. It’s letting technology aid these efforts, not hinder them. It’s choosing to be the victor and not the victim in any given circumstance.

Recently an old high school acquaintance 'friend requested' me over social media. He wrote me an unexpected message telling me that he had a horrible time in high school and wanted to let me know, thirteen years later, that I was one of the few that brightened his day. He thanked me for ‘always having a smile for him.’ I had absolutely no idea that I was contributing anything to him or anyone else. In my own eyes I didn’t do anything seemingly special... but to him it was what helped him get through high school. I was floored and so grateful I was able to bring light to his life all those years ago. It was a gift to him I didn’t even know I was giving. Getting this message from an old friend reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by Marianne Williamson.

Maybe all you did was stay in your pajamas all day, didn’t even brush your teeth… but you nursed that little baby from sun up to sun down. You’ve nourished another. Find peace and pleasure in such a gift. This is the simple life. Maybe you’ve not met your quota at work but during lunch break you listened to another tell her story, and you were there, present, connecting, enabling her to feel heard, important. This rare gift of attention- this is the simple life. Maybe you’ve reached the end of your rope emotionally and physically and are just about ready to collapse when you hear the baby crying, again. Somehow when there’s nothing left to give, there you are giving, again and again. This, my precious friend, is the face of raw sacrificial love, the greatest gift of all. That smile at a stranger, that undeserved gesture of kindness, that moment in time, this is the simple life.

Perfection is an illusion. The simple life is not necessarily living like the Amish as much as living like yourself, in your own mess- except with a new lens that sees and yearns to live out gratitude in spite of the circumstances, not because of it. Go ahead, go live the simple life, right smack in the middle of your very busy non-farming kind of life. As you live it out you unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.